Sam Boi

My significant other, who has been ill with the cold recently has an unusual craving for preserved prunes or "sam boi" as the locals call it back home. Anyway, I don't know why (of all the prunes available at the store) he bought this particular type.

I wonder what they were trying to say - "Green Ecology Limitless Magnificence"?!

When I turned the package around, there was a sticker which warned us that saccharin in this product could cause cabcer cancer in lab oratory lab animals. Seriously, they should think about doing a spell check because I thought those animals could orate/talk in the lab.

So after all this, what did we do with the prunes? We ate them and I haven't started speaking like Remy yet.

Laughter the best medicine

We all need a good laugh once in a while. Sadly, this usually occurs at the expense of others. I always laugh at myself when I'm in an embarrassing fix or when I do something dumb or stupid. Nobody's perfect, right?!

However, nothing cracks me up the most than Mainland China English - be it spoken, written or translated. I do not proclaim to be an English language expert nor an aficionado of the said grammar; and I'll probably land in hot soup with Mainlanders and with those "holier-than-thou" sympathizers for admitting to this.

Today is one of those days. I received the e-mail below this morning.

Come on! Don't tell me you didn't even chuckle???

So, out of curiosity I "googled" China Southern Airlines and the web site (www.cs-air) was "not found". Then, I thought maybe my Firefox browser was acting up and switched to Internet Explorer. Same result!


I chose another link and went into the Skytrax airline forum and read their passengers' reviews. (Hi-light: I like the one whereby one fellow wrote that the pilot nailed the landing sideways and still didn't kill them.) From here, I also learned that China Southern Airlines is China's biggest and "best" airline. As we know, big isn't always good and "best" in China is questionable elsewhere. No offense, but the track record of Chinese imports has been downright scary off late. For a start, the CSA website is down. Based on the reviews, it seems that good customer service on board this airline is just pure luck and the exiting procedure? Pushing & shoving. Hmm...

Some things are better eaten and not explained...

This morning I went to the fruit market with my Mom at Petanak. The owner recommended some persimmons from China. It is very sweet and a bit crunchy unlike the usual soft-fleshed persimmons from Israel. Anyway, we bought some.


At first glance. Hmmm...very normal looking. Then, we turned to the back and started reading the literature that was printed on the package.
As with other Made in China products, the English language is usually translated in a rather incomprehensible & "beat about the bush" manner.

What "frailty"???? "Shu"??? "Se,berated"??? ( I think they meant "celebrated" as king of fruits). "Opening the bag to eat namely"??? (Eat immediately, lah!).

Some things never change. This is one of them. English translation/explanation of China-made products. Usually gives me laughing gas just reading them.

M!SSUNDAZTOOD?

Ok, so my English pronunciation is not consistent. I am not ashamed to admit that I do confuse people at times. Mine is a mixture of Malaysian, British, Australian & American English. Why am I such a language mutt one might ask? Well…

Malaysian English being who I am & where I was born. British English being the standard English I was taught in school. Australian English being the language spoken & written during my 6 years in college & university in Perth. Finally, American English because I live here now. Hence, I inherited a wealth of variable English pronunciation. I am rather good at differentiating between them but a salad of sorts when I open my mouth.

Of course, there’s no incorrect way.

Personally, British English has a pompous ring to it. Hearing a British person swear makes even the most vulgar word sound dignified. Australian English is very pitchy and gives me a bit of a headache at times. No offense (or, offence) to the Aussies, ok?! American English on the other hand, sounds very casual and easy on the ears. Simpler to learn without any funky intonation of the former.

However, there are also regional accents in the United States. In the East Coast, native Jerseyans & New Yorkers pronounce certain words in a rather odd way. Took my ears a while to get accustomed to it.

For example:

off = oawff

coffee = coaw-ffee

laugh = laff

got = gawtt

thought = thawtt

* Remember that sitcom “The Nanny” with Fran Drescher? U-huh!

And then, there’s the American way of omitting the end syllable of certain words; although this is also not consistent. Some speakers do it more distinctly than others.

For example:
Manhattan = Manhatt’n (man – hatt – “nnn”)
mountain = mount’n (mount – “nnn”)
certain = cert’n (cert – “nnn”)
important = import'n (import – “nnn”)

I am still wondering why this is so. Maybe someone can tell me? In the mean time, I am still troubled by my variety. Oh, what a dilemma!

Urban Lingo

The English vocabulary is constantly expanding and lately two urban lingo or expressions have been used very prominently in the news.

No. 1

If you can't leave your Blackberry alone for less than 10 seconds then you are a ...


"Crackberry" : a person who is addicted to his/her Blackberry, as in a person addicted to cocaine. Like crack addicts, crackberries sufer from withdrawal symptoms (e.g. shaking?, easily agitated and irritated) when you take away their Blackberry from them. Treatment recommended for sufferers is similar to those used to rehabilitate crack addicts. Crackberry also applies to a person who uses the computer obsessively. Oh...oh, does that make us bloggers crackberries too?!

Another similar term used to explain this addiction is "blirting" (from Blackberry flirting) coined by a Democratic politician in Washington D.C.

Totally opposite to crackberries and blirters is the "cellophobo" i.e. a person who is not connected or is wireless e.g. cellphone-less, Blackberry-less or PDA-less.


No. 2

If you go to the tanning salon every week or every 3-4 days, then you are suffering from ...

"Tanorexia" : a person who is addicted to tanning salons; see themselves as being too pale even when they're not.

Hollywood actresses or tanorexics are perfect examples of tanorexia although there's plenty walking about in the mall here at the Garden State.

Charlize Theron

Eva Longoria

I think Eva is already gorgeous but now she is over-baked, well-done, a burnt toast! Pity, pity...I wonder if she's trying to achieve the same shade as her hottie boyfriend, Tony Parker?!

Kinda like bro & sista now don't ya think?!

Let's not digress. Back to the subject matter. So, if you're interested to learn more and start using uber-cool urban lingo, slang, etc. click on Urban Dictionary. Ciao! L8tr...

Speak pidgin, anyone?

No, I don't mean speak pigeon. Who wants to speak to a bird anyway? If you still don't know what I am talking about perhaps this movie poster might help.

I am not reviewing this movie either but I am rather fascinated by Captain Jack Sparrow's love-affair with this pidgin word "savvy'. I thought that since Jack Sparrow is such an uber-cool pirate, he should have a suave saying that goes with his persona and "savvy" is close to suave, right?! No, no, no... I am JUST KIDDING. Commonsense will tell you what it meant. Understand, comprehendo?! Ok. Let's move on.

So, I discovered further that the word "savvy" is a mix between English and the Portuguese word "sabe". Hmmm...now does that make Singlish, Manglish and Spanglish pidgin too?! Well, unfortunately they aren't. You see, pidgin is a contact language created by European merchants back in the Middle Ages to communicate with the locals or other foreign traders. It is like a second language. Singlish, Manglish & Spanglish hardly qualify because it maybe incomprehensible to those outside it's own community. Can you imagine if I said, "Don't play-play" (Singlish phrase made popular by Singaporean Phua Chu Kang) when I really meant "Please be serious" to a Caucasian American or British?! Awkward....

However, there's a light at the end of the tunnel for some Chinese originated pidgin words or rather Chinglish. You might be interested to know:

• long time no see (everyone says that so no problem here)
• no can do (like that Cool and the Gang song, I forgot the title ?)
• no-go (we use that all the time in everyday American English)
  

Now, let me thank Wikipedia & Webster for helping me fully understand pidgin...SAVVY?!